This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
