I got chris browned last night
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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