Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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