I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
it's like iHOP with fire
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
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