I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
They should really pass out barf bags in church
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
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