He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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