she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Randomize
