Don't you send me to vm
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Randomize
