I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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