dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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