just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
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How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
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rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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