Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
