how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Drake has all the answers
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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