they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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