i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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