I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
