Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
