Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
