Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
