Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
