I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
