he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
