do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
