I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
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