I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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