tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
