We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
