my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize