New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
