Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Randomize
