So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
