Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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