Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
