some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Holy shit dude........stairs
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
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