So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Randomize
