Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
