New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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