her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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