i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
This house was built for laser tag.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
