i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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