We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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