there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
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