i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
