woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
