She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
