can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
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