tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Actions speak louder than pants.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Randomize
