They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
