"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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