she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
