The beer is more important than you right now.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
