the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
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Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
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I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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