See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
