sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
