I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
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