Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
