If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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