dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
