Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
