i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
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