ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
