there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
