Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
