Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
