He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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