im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I licked your asshole in confidence.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
