so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
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