Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
