Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize
