Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Still dying that you shit outside
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Randomize
