Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
