I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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