Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
